PARIS, France --- President George Bush announced the launch of Operaton Frenchy Freedom today, which is a military action against France. Citing his policy to attack countries who harbor terrorists, Mr. Bush noted that Yasser Arafat was now being harbored by the snooty French. The President stated "I told you that anyone who harbors terrorists would not be safe from us. Arafat is a terrorist. He's in France. End of story."
When asked by reporters how the United States could spare more troops to attack France with the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan, Mr. Bush replied that traditional military forces would not be necessary for this attack. Apparently, 35 Boy Scout troops were called up for the invasion of France and have begun operations there already. When asked about international approval of the attack, Bush noted "we actually had too many allies offer help on this one. Heck, even most of our enemies, including France itself, offered to send troops to attack France." Mr. Bush estimates that the operation should be over by midnight tonight. He estimates no U.S. casualties. The biggest task after the invasion is over will be disposal of the millions of white flags used by the French during the attack. UN inspectors will be called in to secure these flags.
Presidential hopeful, John Kerry, was outraged by the attack. "France is my home country! This is an obvious political stunt to win the election!" Reporters asked Kerry if a 126 country coalition that included France passed his "Global Test" in this situation. Kerry replied "I was for a global test before I was against it. This clearly was the wrong war in the wrong place at the wrong time. But I would have fought a different war against France. A more sensitive war. One that involved cupcakes and hot chocolate. I defended this country as a young man, and I'll defend it again. This administration has...." Two hours later, Kerry stopped speaking and surrendered to Boy Scout Troop #208 from Peoria, Illinois.
