NEW YORK, New York --- An appeals court ruled that fat teenagers may proceed with their lawsuit against McDonald's for misleading them into thinking that greasy fast food would not make them fat. Trial lawyers and the anti-everything crowd cheered the decision as important for protecting our youth from harmful agents promoted by greedy corporate monsters who want to fatten and kill our children.
"We need to ban the harmful stuff and legalize the harmless substances like marijuana," said Ima Cornwallis of the Women's Health Alert Taskforce (WHAT). "Our children are being fattened up and killed by these conglomerate death brokers. We've almost banned cigarettes, and now we're on our way to putting fast food companies out of business. Car and oil companies are next on our list for spewing pollution that causes cancer. Then boat manufacturers and surfboard companies for not clearly warning people they could drown while on the water."
Fast food restaurants will now require customers to be at least 21 years of age and present valid identification. Adults purchasing fast food for minors will be subject to arrest and felony charges. Snack food companies are attempting to avoid similar lawsuits by making the same purchase requirements as there are for alcohol.
Barbara Boxer and Hillary Clinton will introduce a bill in the Senate next week calling for the ban of all television advertising that does not promote products considered bio-healthy, global friendly, natural, non-toxic, fat-free, sugar-free, carb-free, vegetarian-approved, tested without the use of animals, gay-compatible, and feminist-tested.
What happens if you eat fast food while you are in the car? Do you get pulled over for a DWE (Driving While Eating)?
Also, Barbara Boxer has a bounty out on those who eat Big Macs while driving diesels.
Posted by: | February 01, 2005 at 08:16 AM
...said Ima Cornwallis of the Women's Health Alert Taskforce (WHAT).
Perhaps that should be The Womens Health Alert Taskforce (TWAT)
Posted by: Robot | February 01, 2005 at 10:41 AM