SAN FRANCISCO, California --- After San Francisco voters banned guns in the most recent election, city officials say they are struggling to keep up with the massive amount of guns being voluntarily turned over by gang members and other criminals.
"When I proposed this ballot initiative, I knew we'd rid the city of guns," said Supervisor Chris Daly. "I guess I wasn't prepared for the massive turnout by local gang members so eager to give us their guns. We're having to take away from resources in our pot farming initiative that passed in the last election in order to handle all of these guns."
Gang members were lined up for several blocks outside of a San Francisco police station in order to turn over their guns. "It's the right thing to do, yo," said a gangbanger known as Fizzle. "Da peeps in Frisco said no to guns, so we got no choice but to hand over that shizat. Now I gots to go be an organic farmer or some shit like dat. It ain't right. I stole this .45 two years ago, and now I have to give it to the police. It just ain't right."
The gun ban is so effective that police are reporting gang members and violent criminals from as far away as Bakersfield lining up to turn over their illegal and stolen firearms. "I've never seen anything like it," said one officer. "We've been talking about turning over our own guns, because we won't even need them any more. This is exactly what we thought would happen, and it's just so amazing to see it actually coming to fruition."
SF should place a ban on religion in the city limits of SF. You know that's what the commie supervisors want.
Posted by: | November 18, 2005 at 01:17 PM
our esteemed editor looks like having a bright future writing fantasy fiction, i doubt even the most rabid "gun control" freak thinks this would actually happen. you do good satire jeremy.
(sarcasm switch "off" on the "esteemed editor" part.)
Posted by: "gunner" | November 21, 2005 at 10:28 AM
That's fantastic, great job!
The sad thing is that many liberals reading this wouldn't understand that it is satire :-)
Daniel
Posted by: Daniel W | November 24, 2005 at 10:31 AM
Do all of you really think that these guys are turning over all their guns? Ya right! Not even in a Hollyweird Minute!
Its not going to happen. I think most of these guys are so high. They can't even find all the guns they own!
Get a clue people!
Posted by: Will | November 26, 2005 at 07:24 PM
You should have mentioned the part where this was facilitated by the city burning 20,000 tons of weed in a barge, upwind of town. The residents would think it an everyday fog, and hardly anyone would notice the smell.
"After turning in their guns, the lethargic gangstas decended on the nearest McDonalds for a super-eized order of fries."
Posted by: Billll | November 27, 2005 at 07:13 AM
Do I understand that there is a bridge for sale in this article as well?
:o)
Posted by: Mark | November 29, 2005 at 05:58 PM
Communism and Socialism are alive and well. Joseph McCarthy was right. Keep up the good work!
Posted by: doyel | December 01, 2005 at 06:21 AM
Daniel W, Ever hear of the word "satire'? The writer is a satirist. The story is not real!
Posted by: Mark2 | December 01, 2005 at 08:18 AM
waz tha deal my boyfirend is in the street gang called the bloods i got his back 100% but hes is in deep he just got outta prison and i dont want to see him go back or end up dead i know if something was to happen to him that his crew will have my back so i just want to think yall for staying true to the game halla back atcha girl
Posted by: uronlylady | February 14, 2008 at 08:53 PM