Jerhad!com

Al Qaeda Alters Torture Tactics After US Senators Axe Bush Torture Bill

MIDDLE EAST --- Al Qaeda leaders announced today that they will alter their torture policies now that US Senators rejected the Bush interrogation bill.

"These senators are correct," said one al Qaeda operative.  "Having aggressive interrogation techniques only makes American soldiers less safe.  When they follow the Geneva Convention even for unconventional terrorists who don't recognize it, this will make terrorists think twice.  Just like it did in Vietnam.  We have now decided to ban torture and beheading.  It is wrong.  We respect that the United States will no longer make us lose sleep when questioning us, and we will now ban all torture.  This is a great day for peace and respect among men."

Pope Throws Vile Insult at Muslims, Islamic World Reacts with Peace and Understanding

THE VATICAN --- Pope Benedict read an unforgivable insulting quote about Islam from a book, which would have driven most people to violence.  Instead, the Muslim world reacted with peace, understanding, and world unity.

"We are saddened by these comments," said Osama bin Laden.  "But we understand that Pope Benedict was only reading from a book and that these were not his words.  While we don't believe he should have read this quote, we completely understand the context and forgive his actions.  We pray for peace and understanding and ask all Muslims to pray for Pope Benedict.  He is a wonderful man deserving of our respect and prayers."

Rosie O'Donnell Equates Radical Christians to Radical Muslims, Causing Massive Violence

HOLLYWOOD, California --- Rosie O'Donnell caused massive violence after claiming on The View that radical Christians are just as dangerous as radical Muslims.  Radical Christians around the globe burned down cities, protested in the streets, killed innocent Muslims, and offered $1 million for the head and chins of Rosie O'Donnell.

"We're going to kill every non-Christian infidel on the planet," said Pope Benedict XVI.  "This blasphemy will not stand.  We will destroy all of humanity if necessary.  Rosie must convert to Christianity, apologize on her knees in broken glass, and kill 100 infidels to make up for this insult on all of Christianity."

NSA Contacts Angelides Campaign to Learn New Spy Tactics

SACRAMENTO, California --- The NSA announced that it has been in touch with the Phil Angelides campaign to learn new spy tactics after learning how they infiltrated Governor Schwarzenegger's computer to download audio files.  The NSA first had to find out who Phil Angelides was and then contacted his campaign headquarters.

"We're hoping to learn some very valuable information," said an NSA spokesman.  "Now that Democrats are requiring us to notify terrorists when we plan to listen to their conversations, we have to explore all options to defend the country from attack.  This guy, Fred Angelini, might be onto something with his campaign's stealth spy methodology.  Once Frank Ordelides' campaign returns our calls, we're confident that there will be some new methods in our hands to combat terrorism."

Never Forget

AMERICA --- I'm flying my American flag today, even in anti-American San Francisco, in remembrance of those who died on September 11th.  As well as for those who continue to fight to prevent future September 11's by bringing the battle to the enemy overseas.  God bless our troops, and never forget what happened that day. 

No Time

SAN FRANCISCO, California ---  I know I've been lagging on the postings lately.  A combination of 60-80 hour work weeks and a short vacation to Manhattan Beach have made posting a "challenge" to say the least.  I hope to be back on track soon, so long as work cooperates.