HOLLYWOOD, California --- John Travolta angrily addressed critics who called him a hypocrite for demanding drastic changes in people's lifestyles to fight global warming while owning five private jets.
"You guys are pathetic," said Travolta. "I have a negative carbon footprint. I paid someone to plant 637,000 trees last year to make up for my plane flights. I donated money to several hundred Kenyans to hold their breath for at least two minutes every day in order to decrease their CO2 emissions so that I could run electricity to my 27 homes. Global Warming deniers just don't understand that some things are even more important than global warming. Like making movies, for instance. Where would the world be if I could only make 2 movies each year because I had to fly on a commercial airline? Plus, I have a phobia about sitting next to people who are poor. I would have a severe anxiety attack flying on a commercial jet. It would be discrimination to force me into that situation."