NEW YORK, New York --- Just hours after Iranian leader, Ahmapajamahead, declared during a speech at Columbia University that Iran had no gays, religious officials in Iran announced he would be quarantined for at least a month upon returning from the US. They are afraid Ahmapajamahead might have picked up "gay germs" during his time in America.
"As he said, we have no gay phenomenon in Iran," said one religious leader. "We don't know what causes gayness in America. Maybe it is a germ or virus. We must make sure Mr. Ahmapajamahead does not bring back this gayness to spread through our own country. We feel it would be safer to keep him in an air-tight bubble for at least a month before allowing him to be exposed to others. We must spend our money and resources on building nuclear bombs. We cannot afford to spend it on researching a cure for gayness."