Jerhad!com

Prominent Scientist Questions Global Warming, Taken to Al Gore Island for Re-education

NORTH CAROLINA --- Dr. William Gray, a renowned climate scientist, stated that Al Gore's message about global warming was "ridiculous" during a speech In North Carolina.  Upon hearing the news, Al Gore sent a security force to capture Gray and bring him to a private island owned by Mr. Gore off the coast of Florida for "re-education".

"This is more serious than terrorism," said Gore.  "While I don't advocate torture, especially for terrorists, this man's words are more powerful than a nuclear bomb in Times Square.  We will treat him with respect, but it is not safe to allow him back in public.  We will probably hold him here indefinitely until this war against capitali... I mean this war against global warming is over.  You're either with us, or you're with the global warming deniers.  And if you're with them, that means you might have to die in order to save the world.  My Nobel Peace Prize gives me the power to do that now in the name of peace."

Gore Wins Nobel Prize for Peace Agreement with Global Warming

FANTASYLAND --- Al Gore deservedly accepted the Nobel Peace Prize for his peace agreement with Global Warming that temporarily stopped the death of the entire planet.  His ceaseless efforts against a powerful enemy were finally recognized.

"My efforts to bring peace between Global Warming and the human race have consumed my life," said Gore.  "Both sides were not very cooperative.  Human beings were too selfish to destroy all economic progress and to selectively die in the name of peace.  And Global Warming consistently followed the laws of physics and nature to continue in a destructive path of death, mayhem and annihilation of every carbon based entity on the planet within the next six months.  Thankfully, I, and I alone, have brokered a peace deal that allows Global Warming to adhere to the laws of nature and physics, while the human race will only need to kill about half of its numbers and immediately cease the use of fossil fuels.  Unless, that is, you have enough money for carbon credits.  Thank you for recognizing my effort to bring peace in our times.  May Mother Earth bless us all."

Berger Explains Document Stealing Confusion After Hillary Controversy

WASHINGTON, DC --- Controversy surrounded the Hillary campaign after it was discovered she was using disgraced underwear stuffer, Sandy Berger, as an adviser.  Berger held a press conference to deflect the criticism.

"This whole thing is a misunderstanding," said Berger.  "I use a wide stance whenever I review top secret documents.  Some of them fell into my socks and underwear while I was in that wide stance.  I then panicked and stuffed the documents in a garbage can at a construction site and shredded the rest in my office.  I wish to take back my guilty plea.  I am a trusted and honest adviser, and Hillary should not be criticized for getting my input on national security matters."

I'm back!

After a long hiatus, I am back posting again.  That stupid capitalist work thing keeps getting in the way of my Jerhads.  Enjoy!

Fleet Week 2007

A view of the Blue Angels in San Francisco for Fleet Week.  In spite of "pro military" San Francisco attempts to ban the Blue Angels, they flew anyway.  The Communist anti-Americans were none too pleased.

Mayor Newsom Defends SF Pro-Military History

SAN FRANCISCO, California --- Mayor Gavin Newsom attacked Americans today who say that San Francisco does not support the military while he spoke at the annual Fleet Week celebration.  He was shocked, utterly shocked, that people could begin to question San Francisco's support of the military.

"This is ridiculous, and I think the right wing haters are lying and making us look bad," said Newsom.  "I mean except banning JROTC from our public schools in San Francisco, I don't think you'll find a more pro-military city.  Well, and other than San Francisco Supervisor Sandoval saying we shouldn't have a military at all, I think we're about as patriotic as you can get.  And then there's that whole weekly anti-war protest calling our soldiers murderers, but those aren't really city officials.  I mean I guess city officials march and speak at those things, but they don't get paid for it.  Okay, and then there was the deal when we refused to dock the USS Iowa as a floating museum because it represents military dominance.  Even Diane Feinstein chastised us on that one.  And maybe you could say that renaming Army Street to Cesar Chavez Street to rid the city of a connection to the military was something not quite pro-military.  But other than that, I think you can say San Francisco is one of the most pro-military cities in the country.  Seriously.  This whole anti-military thing is just a fictional creation of right-wing lunatics who hate us.  Nothing could be further from the truth."

Pelosi Applauds Sadomasochist Last Supper Ad

SAN FRANCISCO, California --- When asked about the advertisement released for the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco that depicted Jesus's Last Supper as a sadomasochistic party with sex toys, Nancy Pelosi defended it and said it did not harm Christianity.

"Look, I'm a devout Catholic, and I was not at all offended by this depiction," said Pelosi.  "I think it's kind of fun.  Jesus might have appreciated it and thought it a respectful depiction honoring him.  Who am I to say it is insulting or harmful?  These individuals just want acceptance from the Christian community, and I can think of no better way to achieve that than by playfully mocking Jesus Christ with sex toys and an orgy.  You Christians are just too touchy.  Well, I mean, I'm a Christian too.  I'm just saying, you Christians who actually follow Biblical teaching are too sensitive.  Do you honestly think Muslims would feel offended if the advertisement depicted Mohamed being whipped by a leather-clad dominatrix?  No Muslims would be whining like you stupid Christian babies.  They would have laughed and been entertained, and they probably would have come to participate in the fair.  It would have been a complete non-event.  Christians are just so darn sensitive about this stuff.  It seems like it's okay to mock every religion except Christianity.  Lighten up, people."