WASHINGTON, DC --- With news of scientists turning skin cells into embryonic stem cells, and thus negating the need for aborted fetal stem cells, Democrats were angered and frustrated. Who will want the abortions now?
"How dare these scientists create such a monster," said Barbara Boxer. "Did they even think about the abortions? We have enough unwanted abortions that are not used for scientific research as it is. This new discovery will create a massive increase in unwanted abortions. I will introduce a bill in the Senate on Monday that will allocate $12 billion to encourage research on what else we can do with abortions in the laboratory. If we don't act fast, the demand for aborted fetus matter could plummet. What if that decreases the number of abortions? What if some poor mother in the projects says 'hey, if no one is going to use my abortion to further scientific research, then I should just keep the stupid thing until it becomes a baby.' We won't let that happen. Not on my watch. Not ever."