MASSACHUSETTS --- A controversial anti-spanking ban being introduced in Massachusetts is actually an anti-torture bill meant to protect terrorists from severe interrogation.
"This law was introduced by my home state to combat the Bush Administration and their endless torture," said John Kerry. "Spanking is torture. It shouldn't be used on our children, and it shouldn't be used on enemy combatants. Our enemies spank their children and their prisoners. We should rise above that. If we can't get what we want from our children and from our terrorist prisoners through stern discussions and clear communications, then spanking is not the answer. It is against the Geneva Convention. It is against American ideals. And now it is against the law."
Ted Kennedy, the other Massachusetts senator, had a different take on the subject. "Errrr uh, while I do agree that Bush is a torture fanatic and a lying snake, I think this law needs some modification," said Kennedy. "For example, spanking should be allowed if you have a written permission slip from another adult to let you spank them in the privacy of your own home. Just like with the water boarding thing. Water boarding should be allowed if it involves driving someone off a bridge in the middle of the night. That, errr uh, is not torture."