Jerhad!com

Kerry's Barak Obama Endoresment a Botched Joke

WASHINGTON DC --- After news surfaced that John Kerry has endorsed Barak Obama for president, a very upset Kerry tried to set the record straight by claiming the endorsement was clearly a botched joke.

"Clearly my endorsement was an innocent botched joke," said Kerry.  "Shame on the White House for misrepresenting it as anything other than that.  Everyone knows I would never endorse Obama.  I'm an Osama man, not an Obama man.  No maybe I was for Obama before I was against him, but my comments were clearly a botched joke.  But I will not apologize for it.  I only apologize if the misrepresentation of my comments offended anyone.  The White House is the one who should be apologizing."

Obama Blames Loss on Global Warming, Dick Cheney

New Hampshire --- Struggling to explain a recent loss to Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire, Barak Obama finally had the answers.  Global Warming and Dick Cheney.

"Say what you will, but my sources tell me that Bush's promotion of global warming and threats by the evil Dick Cheney killed my chances in New Hampshire," said Obama.  "Global warming, created and promoted by George Bush, created an abundance of CO2 in New Hampshire that impacted the ability of my supporters to understand the primary process and support me.  Then I found out that Dick Cheney threatened people with his shotgun if they left their houses to vote for me.  There is nothing, I mean nothing, that the Bush Administration won't do to keep a brother down.  There can be no other explanation for my loss."

Hillary Blames Loss on Global Warming, Dick Cheney

IOWA --- Struggling to explain a recent third-place finish in the Iowa caucus, Hillary Clinton finally had the answers.  Global Warming and Dick Cheney.

"Say what you will, but my sources tell me that Bush's promotion of global warming and threats by the evil Dick Cheney killed my chances in Iowa," said a tired-looking Clinton.  "Global warming, created and promoted by George Bush, created an abundance of CO2 in Iowa that impacted the ability of my supporters to understand the caucus process and support me.  Then I found out that Dick Cheney threatened people with his shotgun if they left their houses to caucus for me.  There is nothing, I mean nothing, that the Bush Administration won't do to keep me down.  There can be no other explanation for my third place finish."