"Say what you will, but my sources tell me that Bush's promotion of global warming and threats by the evil Dick Cheney killed my chances in New Hampshire," said Obama. "Global warming, created and promoted by George Bush, created an abundance of CO2 in New Hampshire that impacted the ability of my supporters to understand the primary process and support me. Then I found out that Dick Cheney threatened people with his shotgun if they left their houses to vote for me. There is nothing, I mean nothing, that the Bush Administration won't do to keep a brother down. There can be no other explanation for my loss."