NEW YORK, New York --- NYC Mayor, Michael Bloomberg, harshly criticized all sides of the US government, claiming no one was doing the right thing to help the struggling economy. Except for the part where Barack Obama wanted to spend billions of tax dollars on infrastructure.
"Look, no one knows how to jumpstart the economy like I do," said Bloomberg. "I am smarter than everyone else, and the world should listen to my brilliant solutions. My solution? Government. That's right. If we can get government to spend more money and create more government jobs, and take more direct control over the economy, then things will be great. I mean Barack's idea to hire 2 million people with government tax dollars is brilliant. Let the government sector create jobs instead of the free market. That is how to build a stable and sustainable economy. My dream is that some day all US citizens will work for the government. Then I, I mean the government, can completely control the economy. History has shown that the government knows best how to run the economy. They should be setting prices and deciding which industries should get massive investments. We shouldn't be sending government tax dollars back to the people to spend on beer, cigarettes, and porn. We need that money for more government jobs and for government management of the private sector."